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ridiculous business model (reprise)
I wrote this facebook note, "Ridiculous Business Model," 7 months before taking my current job as CCO of Pixel Farm Digital. Looking back, I obviously saw one too many pie chart that week. I guess I was also hungering for change, the kind of intangible change no organizational or cultural pie chart will ever summarize. Hm. Wonder if my current boss would've made the same call on me if he read this first. Anyhoo, I hate pie charts...
Um... what the fuck is this?
Just picture 12 circles having sex with each other. Got it? Huh? Good. Here are my 12 ingredients for a PERFECT BUSINESS OF ANY KIND:
1) An adequate amount of crazies. One is too few, three is too many. But two crazy people? Well, that's the perfect amount to fuel a business with wild delusional thoughts of grandeur. 2) A rocket. No matter what kind of business you have, a rocket gives you instant street cred. Think about it, would you rather go to Clean 'n' Press Cleaners or the cleaners with a rocket? 3) Gym class once a week for everyone. Why did we ever stop having this in our lives? Nothing builds comradre quite like laughing at a coworker's dodgeball-to-nads misfortune. 4) A shoe deal. Your people are athletes in their field, whatever that field may be, so treat them with respect. Free Nikes for everyone. 5) A yearbook. Because clubs need an excuse to gather in matching sweaters and people like to see that they're making more than whatever it is that your company makes. 6) Breakfast and dinner are FREE. From 5-7am everyday, breakfast will be served to early birds. From 7-9pm, dinner will be served to night owls. 7) Experiments. Say your company makes combs. Cool. But what about a comb that sings "Hair" every time you use it? Does your company make that? How about a gun that instantly shoots anyone who uses this horrible comb? Does your company make that? Ask new questions, get new answers. 8) Summer vacation. Other than a hospital or a White Castle, why the hell does any business need to stay open constantly? Exactly. July off for everyone! 9) Breed lions. Push your people. Challenge them to be amazing. The worst thing that can happen is they end up being very good. Then feed them cute puppies. It makes them more liony. 10) Profit and loss sharing. If your company wins big, everybody wins BIG. If your company loses money, everyone shares the pain. We're all in this together, right? So let's be all-in. 11) Jugglers. Why hire five people to do five things when you can hire one person who can do five things? Pay each juggler the fortune they're worth and you'll still be ahead of the curve. 12) Quests. Mini ones at first. Then big epic ones.
